Stop making us feel so bad about the size of our jeans

Is it just me or has shopping become one of the most dreaded experiences, especially as a woman? When I was younger I remember getting so excited to go shopping because I was always on the lookout for new clothes, everything fit me perfectly (for the most part), and I loved trying things on to model for my mom. I would ask to go to the mall every single weekend—I just absolutely loved it. But now as I’m getting older, I try to avoid the mall at every cost. Not only does it drain my bank account, but it also drains my self-esteem. Every year I go up another size with no explanation, and it affects the reflection I see in the fitting room mirror. The conversation I have with myself in the mirror sounds something like this:

Wow… I look really bad. Ugh do I really look like that? Do I look fat? Maybe I should start dieting. I need to start going to the gym.

And just like that, I end up leaving the store practically in tears. Honestly, there is nothing more frustrating than this feeling—and I know I’m not alone.

The first major problem with this is that every store sizes their clothing differently—especially their pants. In 2017, the picture to the left went viral—pictured is five pairs of jeans, all supposedly the “same size”. This alone is extremely frustrating because it means you have to try on multiple sizes at most of the stores you go to. When I’m shopping, I generally follow my size 8 norm. But alone at one store, I have fluctuated between a size 4 and a size 10 depending on the cut of the jeans…so I have all together given up shopping there. How is it that a size 6 could be considered a size 10? There is reason behind this, and this leads right into the next major problem.

The second major problem has to do with the illusion surrounding our weight. The body that is currently in style is the thin and fit body. Our society has made us believe that this is the most attractive body, and with this, fashion (including clothing size) follows the trend. Companies know that nobody enjoys going up a size because being “fat” is something that is looked down upon—so they make consumers believe that if they go up a size when they really did not, they will most likely believe they have gained weight and need to lose weight. This is the fashion industry’s way of telling women how their bodies should be proportioned, and they makes us feel like it’s our fault that our “normal” size doesn’t fit anymore. It all comes back to the constant surveillance of our bodies and our appearance.

I understand that some companies try to keep their sizes true to themselves—and this is a good thing. I am not here to preach that sizing shouldn’t be a thing because even though we may not like the number associated with our size, it does indeed help us find the correctly sized clothing that we need. And I’m not here to push universally sized clothing either because it goes back to the argument surrounding “one size fits all”—every body is different, and one size in fact does not fit all. However, a consistent measurement for sizes should be put in place because it becomes a problem when companies purposefully continue engraining the “ideal” body mindset in our society.

We can’t place 100% of the blame on our society as a whole and on the companies promoting this. It is partially our fault for giving in to the mindset of wanting to be skinny. Previous studies have showed that women have a preference for smaller sized clothes because it “boosts our confidence,” and I have definitely been guilty of thinking this way. We continue to subconsciously support the “ideal” body type by falling into this trap.

Instead of giving in to the consumerism that is consistently apparent in our culture, we need to understand that our bodies are not defined by the number on the back of our jeans. It’s of course a process learning to accept my body as it is, but even slowly being able to work through this barrier is rewarding. Even though your size might fluctuate, you have not changed—it’s all simply a mind trick.

More than a Disability

Over 1 billion people in the world are considered to be disabled—that is 15 % of our global population. And in the United States alone, one in four adults have a disability. Just let these statistics sink in.

These statistics alone are part of the reason why there is this unspoken gap between abled bodies and disabled bodies. We, as a society, fail to acknowledge this separation because it does not seem to be a pressing issue to us. We just carry on with our lives, not realizing that this community of differently abled bodies is oftentimes isolated. Why is there a need to place a label on what our bodies can and cannot do if all it does is separate us? There is no one, single answer to this question because it is engrained in our culture and it is what we have always been used to. But shouldn’t it be those with disabilities helping us to understand these issues and their needs rather than our society as a whole making assumptions and thinking that we understand them better than they understand themselves? It is a tricky question—there are many layers to it, but a good start is rethinking how we walk through the world. A shift from independence to interdependence, because in the end, independence (in this context) is what further divides us.

For the past two years, I have worked for a program that aids adults with intellectual disabilities, so I have had quite a bit of experience interacting with individuals with all different types of disabilities. With this, I have noticed some particular trends with regards to how our society treats this specific community of people. The most common being inferiority. This is shown specifically through the “baby-talk” used when trying to communicate. Before I started working there, I even caught myself doing that. I find it so troubling that people speak to them this way—it makes them feel as if they have no voice; it makes them feel of lesser value. The reality is this: they are human beings just like everyone else, and they deserve to be treated as one. Communication is key—and we have to begin to reframe how we interact with others who are differently abled than us. Another trend I have noticed is not giving them the chance to use their voices. This also relates to speaking to them as if they are inferior. Because they may not have the same communication skills that an “abled” person may have, we automatically assume they have no voice. This leads to the mindset of thinking it is acceptable to make decisions for them. Instead of assuming, we need to really just communicate with one another. It is really just as simple as that.  

With all of this being said, I am not saying that those with disabilities should not be recognized for what limits them, because then they would not be able to be recognized for the health care and support they need. I think it is amazing that there are programs and resources readily available for people who need them to live comfortably. From personal experience, I have seen how the day-program I work for makes people who consider themselves to be in this community feel. However, I do not think that these disabilities should be the only things we see them for. They are more than just their disability. They are individuals who deserve respect for who they are as a person.

Interdependence is the key to all of this. We are all dependent on one another, and being able to understand each other while accepting the differences that may at first appear to separate us is important when thinking about those who are differently abled. We are all human, and that something that cannot be taken away from anyone.