As A Child I Aspired To Be A Loser When I Grew Up

I remember when I was much younger- perhaps for a period of time in mid-elementary school, I used to watch the Biggest Loser. I would mostly binge watch it by myself,  but I would do so as well as with my immediate family, my parents, two younger sisters, and I. My father and I were the most invested and would make diet sugar free chocolate pudding to eat while watching together, especially for the occasion. My family life has long revolved around eating and television. Other family favorite shows included Heroes, American Idol, and Revolution. As I have come into burgeoning young adulthood, I have realized that these habits informed my world image, relationship to self, and, moreover, struggles with disordered eating.

From Daily Mail

Honestly, until a few weeks ago I had forgotten about the existence of the show. I understand now that the unlearning of fatphobia I have cultivated was largely informed by Biggest Loser. It was not until my roommate, Gene, reminded of the program by talking about a piece they did for their senior comprehensive project this semester (you can see it in the student show happening in Doane Gallery soon!). Their painting of which I am referring to is of an ex Biggest Loser host from the Australian version of the reality television show. She is shown fat, with lots of exposed skin, getting her's (if you know what i mean!! ;) ) on the beach- truly an incredible image. Since being on the show many past contestants, and others who were previously associated with the show have spoken out against the production. Biggest Loser practiced abuse and projected fatphobia on its contestants. There is no doubt in my mind that Cooper would is disgusted with the show. Today I am ashamed to have been so invested in the production, but I remember that at this time I was a child. I did not have the tools yet to question what I was seeing. Now I can participate in the discourse, and I feel taken advantage of; I feel brainwashed.

I stopped dieting about two years ago, but before that I had been dieting for as long as I could remember, and wanting to participate in diet culture much long before my parents allowed and encouraged me to do so. My first structured diet designed to help me lose weight was likely at age nine, although I could not say for sure. I had watched my parents diet before this, and eventually my whole family would begin to go on diets together. These diets were almost always a hybrid plan of nutrisystem boxed foods and the keto diet. Slowly but surely, I would always gain the weight back, as we all would, so we would go on and off as a family. Almost all contestants of Biggest Loser gained the weight back as well. This culture is not sustainable or healthy. An investigation was even started to find whether or not contestants were drugged.

Watching Biggest Loser as a child I saw these people push themselves to injury, vomiting after starving themselves, collapse, and break down to become "fit" and "thin"... I watched and thought that it must be exhausting and difficult, but in a rewarding way. The narrative of the production is that these people are so lucky to be there and given this chance to get "in shape". I aspired to that. Now that I have done so much unlearning and learning, I see the abuse and I see the fatphobia, and I am appalled. Fortunately the show has been cancelled, but only just last year. The psychological and physical violence that has been inflicted on the contestants is horrendous and as I have recently come to see in myself, damage beyond that, at a cultural level.

Biggest Loser did not only have influence over the fatphobia of American culture, but it reflects that fatphobia which was already prevalent. I would like to include a "to be sure" in this blog op-ed, but I really do not think there is anything redeemable about Biggest Loser. The program advocated for abuse and fat-shaming. It was an abhorrent program and I am glad that it has been cancelled. Healthism advocates surely not approve of the show's premise as it is objectively unhealthy, but they would likely support the general premise of the show, to encourage obese people to loose weight and exercise in order to become "healthy". Healthists should also know that of course fat people can be healthy, but might also be tempted to say that radical fat lesbian feminism that Cooper draws from, and I am inclined to appreciate, "glorifies obesity". There is some validity to this, being overweight can put health in jeopardy, and I have seen this first hand, however, I have also experienced fatphobia firsthand and ultimately I care more about advocating for radical fat acceptance.

Lizzo Hurt My Feelings

It turns out that Lizzo IS "one hundred percent THAT b*tch."

This is a joke, I do not actually or seriously want to call Lizzo that word in a demeaning way, because she is not. I myself have stanned Lizzo- but I will say that she hurt my feelings and I thought the bit was an entertaining lede to start discussing that, as it is a lyric from her song "Truth Hurts". Lizzo's fans call her a queen, and the short of the way in which they mean it is that she inspires them to love themselves as she loves herself. This is an important thing. Lizzo is beautiful, talented, and fun among many other good qualities. However, recent tweets from Lizzo have made me begin to wonder how much her love extends past her self love and how does this manifest itself in the world? This is not that I want to declare Lizzo a bad person or to cancel her, but if nothing else she did not think enough before she tweeted about her missing postmates delivery, and upon realizing the mistake did not make a thoroughly thoughtful apology, suggesting to me that she might lack compassion for others in some areas as well as greater perspective of the world beyond herself. The tweet that I am thinking about is shown in the image below.

From @nickthelovett's instagram September 2019

Lizzo posted this picture with the delivery girls' name, profile picture, and location. This girl could have been lost, the app could have malfunctioned, she could have mixed up orders, or she could have even just been hungry. It turns out that the delivery girl had waited the required five minutes but was not able to contact Lizzo, so she had to move on as instructed. Regardless of this information, Lizzo is rich and powerful! She does not need to have put this delivery girl on blast like this! Lizzo did eventually remove this tweet as well as make an apology tweet, shown in the image below again.

From Huffpost September 2019

For me, this apology left much to be desired. What Lizzo said hits most of the major points which she should have addressed, and so is decent enough. Yet, this is the only response her followers get and honestly, I am unsure that she grasps the full range of consequences of her thoughtlessness because as far as I can find this is all we get and all she gave. Ultimately my purpose for writing this is to say that I think that Lizzo should consider all of this if she has not already. My purpose is also to encourage her fans and stan armies in general to think more about the power dynamics at play in situations such as these. Moreover, I mostly also am further analyzing this situation to demonstrate how Lizzo's tweet is related to body politics.

This situation is about people, and people are bodies.  Lizzo is a proud fat black woman and she owns that and is so beautiful. Lizzo is also rich, famous, and well-liked. Lizzo has not always been proud, she has spent a lot of time talking about how hard it has been to overcome her insecurities and the haters. Thinking about what Lizzo represents as part of her identity is marginalized in society, and another part of her identity is highly privileged is difficult for me now that she has put another black woman at such risk. What does it mean? She put someone who she has much more power than on *blast. Personal information out there for the world to see because she did not get all of the information first! It was irresponsible and put the delivery girl at risk of losing her job and being harassed, maybe even worse. For Lizzo to move on to her regular production of content and not address how seriously this would have affected this service worker. There is not information about what happened to the delivery girl or if Lizzo ever approached her. The short is that Lizzo, a wealthy celebrity with a huge following and influence, but who is also different from her in that she is a pink-collar worker, put another woman of color at potentially large risk. She could have been a fan, and she still could be. Lizzo did apologize, but anyone can tweet something like that and then move on. What is she doing to further her self reflection and advocate for people like the delivery girl she put at risk? 

White Supremacy, Queerness, and Kevin Abstract

Y'all familiar with Kevin Abstract's "American Boyfriend: A Suburban Love Story"? Regardless, give the thirteenth song on the album, Miserable America , a listen (It's good!). The lyrical content of this song is just one example of how Queerness can be Anti-Gay, and often is. My argument for this blog op-ed is that queerness and white supremacy, the creation of a racial hierarchy in which white skin is at the top and above all other identities, have a relationship. I will use this online space to begin exploring that. This is a big topic, so obviously I will obviously have err on the side of generality, but hope to get my point across using a piece by Abstract.

Blackness and queerness are largely understood as opposites. So Kevin Abstract, a gay black man, is himself an anomaly. Of course, I think this is ridiculous. Being black and being queer are two natural things that can exist at the same time and within the identity of one person. However, this both is created by the representation we get for queer bodies is usually a white body- and usually, a thin and white body. This is in part because white gay privilege exists.

What is white gay privilege? Essentially, this means that queerness is only widely socially acceptable when it is white. While white gays fight for popular media representation, acceptance, and marriage equality, black gays often have to fight for survival. Blackness has been constructed as synonymous with criminality. People who are white and queer have some privilege because they have white privilege and are much more welcome in queer and white spaces than black queers. However, when confronted about this white queers may use their queerness to soothe their white guilt. In order to avoid taking responsibility for white supremacy it is easier to focus on the victimhood of one's own identity.

Image from twitter

Because queerness is acceptable when it is white, white queers have permission to focus on their Queer identity. While in many parts of the world it is still very dangerous to be queer. However, this discussion is about Western White Queers. I do think there is a difference when we mean white gayness, as opposed to white transgendered-ness or white gender-queerness. The world is beginning to come around to white gayness, but the world is coming around less to white transgendered-ness- well, this depends on how well someone "passes" as one of the binary genders, "boy" and "girl". It is still dangerous to be white and queer, but it is far more dangerous to be of color and queer, and there are many more safe spaces for white queers than there are for queers that are black or otherwise of color. Moreover, the realization of white guilt is painful, so it make sense that they might want to avoid that confrontation of self. White people have done some crazy awful stuff in the past! (and also many continue to do awful things... ha...)

So what is the consequence of this white gay privilege? Well, we can begin to see that through Abstract's art. Furthermore, the specific lyrics in Abstract's "Miserable America" that are most worth unpacking are in verse two:

My boyfriend hates me, won't let me meet his parents

Says my skin might scare 'em, not afraid of my appearance

Feel like jumping off the building

Feel like saying "fuck your parents"

Son don't feel 'em and I know they never will

They love gays but they hate niggas

What else are we to do rather than talk and paint a picture

I told that nigga before I even tried to tell myself

I wish you thought of me the way you thought about yourself

This verse is about how Abstract's boyfriend, and especially his boyfriend's family are not homophobic but they are incredibly racist, and specifically anti-black. Abstract's boyfriend is not racist in the same way his parents are- he is dating Abstract, but he is complicit because he cannot proudly say to his parents that he is in this relationship with a black man.  This leaves Abstract with suicidal feelings and resentment, all very real effects of this level of white supremacy.