One Size Fits No Woman: A Cry For Individuality

Timothy Leary once said, “Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities, the political, religious, the educational authorities who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing, forming in our minds their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness...to inform yourself.” This remains true today and appears even more relevant as a gendered issue. It is capitalist power that has saturated the westernized culture with ideals for women to achieve that, often unconsciously, rather than revel in their own individuality, women have learned to be complacent.

Women are taught to be consumers based on the fact that we are always lacking--that we can always be better.

However, there is a myth in that the ‘ideal’ is achievable. Consumers are created to be insecure and unhappy with what they currently have. The truth is that this ‘goal’ is a moving target. It’s unachievable because it does not exist. Nearly every body-image ideal promoted for women is a contradiction. We are told to be slim but curvy, sweet but sexy, and once we buy into one ideal to strive for, we are almost immediately told what we should be aiming for next. This exploitation of women’s self image is tied to the global economy and has its roots based in the context of colonialism, capitalism, and race politics. As long as women are insecure, they can be controlled.

Now, although the media and culture are saturated with expectations we may be unconscious of, considering free will, we are buying into the system if not actively fighting it. Nicholas Chamfort said, “Men [those] whose only concern is other people’s opinion of them are like actors who put on a poor performance to win the applause of people of poor taste; some of them would be capable of good acting in front of a good audience. A decent man plays his part to the best of his ability, regardless of the taste of the gallery.” It is especially important for women and girls to understand that they do not need to compromise their sense of self to feel important. It is the capitalist nature to suppress women into believing their value comes from how they serve to the desires of others. This is a woman’s immanence; the taking on of social structures as their own.

 Immanence is all about socialization. One of the most clear and common examples of this is the learned and overlooked insult, “like a girl.” This saying has become so widely used by all genders that even women may not realize they are putting themselves back and below the image of masculinity. Creating the dichotomy between what it means to be a ‘girl’ and to be one’s ‘self’ just further perpetuates feminine as a stereotype and something to achieve. It is not until we undergo transcendence that women can express their individuality. This explains why women’s liberation demands more. Transcendence is about overcoming internalized social cues and values to reach empowerment even at the chance of ridicule. It is about challenging oneself to be authentic.

Almost certainly, people will raise the question of, “what if a social norm is how someone identifies or it brings them joy?” By all means, embrace it! But without exploring oneself and questioning why we are doing something, women may not know that they are simply adhering to the norms. If you are having the constant feeling of dissatisfaction or want, think more about why that hole is there. Are you actually lacking what you need to express yourself or are you struggling in the dichotomy of self and social self-image. Women should not have to pursue these norms to feel respected, recognized, or valued.

Rather than, how Leary states, be frightened or terrorized by the thoughts of questioning one’s identity and where in life we are going, why not embrace the beautiful truth that it is up to us to invest in ourselves and make those choices on our own? This is especially hard for women to overcome due to the institutionalized belittling of the gender. However, once we transcend these pressures by allowing ourselves, as well as other women, to act as and for themselves rather than complying by the unrealistic expectations of society, our true selves will be able to shine. Betty Friedan said it best, “who knows what women can be when they are finally free to be themselves.”